KQDS MonoNews Paralake

[Bryce]

KQDS MonoNews Paralake​

• The Great Soy Embargo​

On Tuesday, August 13, 2019 the Mayor of Paralake declared all soy products illegal in all forms. The Mayor dedicated almost all of city budget to local Law Enforcement agencies to clean the scourge that is soy from the streets. When asked for comments, local resident Mark Moore had this to say: "Yo, this [censored] is dumb af." Local law enforcement declined to comment, with the Chief of Police telling reporters to "[Censored] off and quit being minges." The Mayor was found dead shortly after.

• Drama in the Court

On Wednesday, August 14th, 2019 local Law Enforcement received a call that the Mayor of Paralake was lost in the outer woods. Upon arrival to the area of the call, first responders observed a male with the Mayor with a small semi-fully automatic AR-15 Makarov (source: CNN) pointed at the Mayor. Law Enforcement began negotiations for the Mayors release. The suspect fled into the woods and a search ensued. The suspect was found and furiously gunned down. Paramedics were able to revive the suspect and was charged with attempted murder and kidnapping. Upon trial, the suspect was found guilty and executed, receiving approximately 350 5.56 rounds. After execution, the Mayor admitted to setting up the entire ordeal. The Mayor was charged with Criminal Mischief resulting in Homocide and also received 350+ rounds. Officers Bryce Haryu and Sarah Jingle were put on administrative leave. Officer Bryce Haryu resigned. Sources state shortly after, he blew himself up with his very first batch of LSD (See next article). The department mourns this loss.

• Local Addict Killed on First Dose of LSD

A local man, Bryce Haryu, was killed in the early hours of Thursday August 15th in a home explosion in the suburbs. Sources say Haryu, an ex-police officer of Paralake Police Department, was making his very first batch of LSD when his equipment malfunctioned resulting in his death as well as the death of an unidentified roommate. When KQDS asked the public about the incident, Jack Winters had this to say: "Dude, he blew himself the (censored) up like a dumb mother(censored). Most of our fridges are gone and I'm going to piss on his grave." Bryce Haryu leaves behind many friends and one son, Matthew Belgem.

 

[Brent Skeng]

10/10 read

 

[Wolv]

Lmfao poor Bryce

 

[Agam]

Do more of this please, i enjoy it