I'm Darmeris/Veronica Townsend, though my real name is Catherine. I really like this server and all the staff of all degrees have done for it. Gmod, at least as long as I've known it, has always been a place that harbors kids and toxicity. It's not entirely a bad thing, back when I was 14 I sure took my part in that and still find much of it funny/pleasing in it's randomness today. Times have changed a lot though, for me and for the toxicly inclined (or "zoomers" nowadays). Until I was 16 I was completely unaware that gender dysphoria was a thing at all and just assumed it was natural to want to be a girl. I felt empty inside then, just going along with that presumption and doing what I was told. One day though after lots of hard manual labour in my machinist apprenticeship among ultra-men I decided to google my eternal question and that moment set me off to who I am today. I've been living as a woman since 2016 day to day, and while science hasn't determined the source of the disorder aside from some issue with the brain (Different gender related genetic makeup to the body, a mixup of hormone delivery during pregnancy, etc.) I can tell you that I am not a man. Bodies are life support systems for our brains and consciousness, for me, mine got messed up.
Nowadays after the wave of transtrending starting in 2014~, if I open my mouth in voice chats there's a 30% or so chance I'll just get booed off as a "disgusting piece of **** tranny". When you're young and get booed off for being a squeaker you at least have the security that after a few more years your voice will be more tolerable. I've tried my best on voice training and I don't know if I can even take it any farther, so like with much of the rest of my body, I'm screwed for the remainder of my life.
I get laughing at those who do make it all about themselves, the typical pity me routine that's been around for ages. From SCENE kids and Emos (#wakemeupinside) in the mid 2000's now the latest thing is to delude themselves into thinking that all their problems are because of a disorder that only they (and not a trained medical professional) have diagnosed themselves with. They're pathetic, and the sooner those people can come to a realization of the true source of their problems, the better for everyone.
Here's the thing though, not everyone is a transtrender. To you and your friends finding out if someone with a raspy but feminine voice is genetically male or female is a game for you. Who cares what this other person feels as you remind them of how futile their existence is and laugh that they would ever try and avoid suicide by doing what they can with the body they physically have. Your little "non-discrimatory" game hurts us, what would you expect from laughing at someone else? I had no power over my disorder the same a gay person had no choice in their sexual preference. Being transgender is hell enough on it's own and you're only making it worse.
Point being, I don't care if you decide you don't want to call me a She or a Her, if you're a dick like that I don't care about getting to know you anyways. You don't know what I've had to deal with, and I don't know what you've had to deal with. Accept that I've had a really ****y time and would appreciate you not assuming yourself an authority over whether I should exist or not while knowing nothing about what I've had to go through. Finally, YES, I'm a tranny, haha, don't bring that crap up again.
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As a final note I want to touch on a couple of the controversies surrounding transfolk that people often use as a reason to mock/hate us.
1. Leading (usually men) on for weeks or months on the assumption that they are genetically female (voice/body proving as such):
Quite often, the transgender are left not appearing or feeling as who they are. One of the very few ways we can help with that is through video games and escaping into the reality of their avatar. After voice training in either direction but particularily with Male to Female transfolk (MtF) they can get good enough they are assumed female whenever in speech. This feeling of acceptance of who they really are is addicting, and something anyone who isn't trans massively takes for granted. Often the case these people can get a romantic connection with some of the people they are accepted by (particularily with men) and they just keep at that for a while. It's a big problem among us and one quite often brought up, when to tell them the truth. In some cases it could be argued that this is an important thing to tell your signifigant other asap, as for someone for example with a good voice, bad body and pre-sexual reassignment surgery in a relationship with promises of real life intimacy. These are just bad situations and ones, as long as people can ever fall in love, just happen through the course of a tranny's transition. It sucks for all involved. Though in other situations leading to this extreme; if their body looks completely female(fully transitioned), their voice as well, you both love each other but you find out one day they were born a man? You are the asshole for letting your fragile heterosexuality get in the way of your relationship.
2. The forcing of others to use their desired pronouns. As I've mentioned, I personally don't care if you decide that your opinions are more important than my existence, but others (particularily those early in transition) really do. Previously mentioned; being called what you are is an addicting pleasentry that anyone not transgender takes for granted, as they have no way of knowing what the lack of having it would even feel like. Without knowing this pain, it's easy to see why some people call us fakers, mentally deluded, and disgusting. To make these assumptions however you are deciding that you know ALL the feelings there are to experience, and if anyone else has anything different or additional, they are clearly wrong. If your beliefs, taught or otherwise, bring you to assume this, that's on you. Nobody is forcing you to do anything.
That was a bit of a rant. Moderators if there's anything that needs to be trimmed out please let me know and I'll do so. Also to everyone else: if you read all that you're lying. See you in Monoford.
Nowadays after the wave of transtrending starting in 2014~, if I open my mouth in voice chats there's a 30% or so chance I'll just get booed off as a "disgusting piece of **** tranny". When you're young and get booed off for being a squeaker you at least have the security that after a few more years your voice will be more tolerable. I've tried my best on voice training and I don't know if I can even take it any farther, so like with much of the rest of my body, I'm screwed for the remainder of my life.
I get laughing at those who do make it all about themselves, the typical pity me routine that's been around for ages. From SCENE kids and Emos (#wakemeupinside) in the mid 2000's now the latest thing is to delude themselves into thinking that all their problems are because of a disorder that only they (and not a trained medical professional) have diagnosed themselves with. They're pathetic, and the sooner those people can come to a realization of the true source of their problems, the better for everyone.
Here's the thing though, not everyone is a transtrender. To you and your friends finding out if someone with a raspy but feminine voice is genetically male or female is a game for you. Who cares what this other person feels as you remind them of how futile their existence is and laugh that they would ever try and avoid suicide by doing what they can with the body they physically have. Your little "non-discrimatory" game hurts us, what would you expect from laughing at someone else? I had no power over my disorder the same a gay person had no choice in their sexual preference. Being transgender is hell enough on it's own and you're only making it worse.
Point being, I don't care if you decide you don't want to call me a She or a Her, if you're a dick like that I don't care about getting to know you anyways. You don't know what I've had to deal with, and I don't know what you've had to deal with. Accept that I've had a really ****y time and would appreciate you not assuming yourself an authority over whether I should exist or not while knowing nothing about what I've had to go through. Finally, YES, I'm a tranny, haha, don't bring that crap up again.
--------------------------------------------
As a final note I want to touch on a couple of the controversies surrounding transfolk that people often use as a reason to mock/hate us.
1. Leading (usually men) on for weeks or months on the assumption that they are genetically female (voice/body proving as such):
Quite often, the transgender are left not appearing or feeling as who they are. One of the very few ways we can help with that is through video games and escaping into the reality of their avatar. After voice training in either direction but particularily with Male to Female transfolk (MtF) they can get good enough they are assumed female whenever in speech. This feeling of acceptance of who they really are is addicting, and something anyone who isn't trans massively takes for granted. Often the case these people can get a romantic connection with some of the people they are accepted by (particularily with men) and they just keep at that for a while. It's a big problem among us and one quite often brought up, when to tell them the truth. In some cases it could be argued that this is an important thing to tell your signifigant other asap, as for someone for example with a good voice, bad body and pre-sexual reassignment surgery in a relationship with promises of real life intimacy. These are just bad situations and ones, as long as people can ever fall in love, just happen through the course of a tranny's transition. It sucks for all involved. Though in other situations leading to this extreme; if their body looks completely female(fully transitioned), their voice as well, you both love each other but you find out one day they were born a man? You are the asshole for letting your fragile heterosexuality get in the way of your relationship.
2. The forcing of others to use their desired pronouns. As I've mentioned, I personally don't care if you decide that your opinions are more important than my existence, but others (particularily those early in transition) really do. Previously mentioned; being called what you are is an addicting pleasentry that anyone not transgender takes for granted, as they have no way of knowing what the lack of having it would even feel like. Without knowing this pain, it's easy to see why some people call us fakers, mentally deluded, and disgusting. To make these assumptions however you are deciding that you know ALL the feelings there are to experience, and if anyone else has anything different or additional, they are clearly wrong. If your beliefs, taught or otherwise, bring you to assume this, that's on you. Nobody is forcing you to do anything.
That was a bit of a rant. Moderators if there's anything that needs to be trimmed out please let me know and I'll do so. Also to everyone else: if you read all that you're lying. See you in Monoford.
I'm going to have to pass on that for now though as I've been running around the map silently before this, do appreciate it though.